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Wizard
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10 Pokémon Heroes and Villains
1
Punishu: (Punisher + Pikachu)
Having witnessed the slaying of his family during
a botched mob hit, Punishu was transformed into a
living tool of revenge, casting a dark shadow of
unforgiving retribution over a fearful underworld.
Even the most hardened thugs and vicious skels
feel their courage melt into their shoes when
Punishu's battle cry of "Pika pika!"
rings in the air. "He can't be real!"
they cry as they run from a hail of bullets and
Punishu's whirlwind of two-fisted blows. Oh, he's
real all right, you pathetic, weak-willed dill-weeds---as
real as the pee running down your lily-livered
leg. |
2 Spider-Meowth: (Spider-Man +
Meowth)
Bitten by a radioactive arachnid, Spider-Meowth
soon learned he had the strength of a dozen
Pokemon, could cling to walls and even spin webs--any
size! Spider-Meowth quickly did what anyone in
his position would do, and cashed in on his
abnormality by appearing on "Montel Williams."
But when he arrived home that night, he found his
uncle slain by Montel Williams himself! With
great power comes great responsibility--a bitter
lesson Spider-Meowth will never forget. |
3 Wolvernine: (Wolverine +
Arcanine)
Wolvernine is the best there is at what he does--and
what he does isn't very nice. He takes great
pleasure in turning his opponents into steaming
piles of wet hamburger with the aid of his
unbreakable adamantium-laced claws. His only
memories are of a top-secret government
laboratory located in the wilds of Canada which
turned him into the ice-cold killing machine he
is today. He's a half-man, half-bestial creature
with no remorse whatsoever. He konws absolutely
no fear. And if you pet him, he'll wag his furry
tail. |
4 Bulba Fett: (Boba Fett +
Bulbasaur)
Bulba Fet was more than just cool-looking
Mandoloriam armor--he was also the most feared
bounty hunter in all the Imperial Empire. He also
collected cold, hard scratch on some of the most
notorious bounties in the sector, securing
prisoners for Darth Vadoer and the legendary
crime lord, Jabba the Hutt. But Bulba's glory
came to an abrupt end in the belly of the Sarlacc
pit. When he attempted to fly out with his trusty
rocket pack, Bulba discovered toy executives had
replaced it with a plastic duplicate, glued in
place! Oops! |
5 Iron Mankey: (Iron Man +
Mankey)
Sure, Iron Mankey's armor is so advanced that you
could stick just about anyone in there and they'd
be a formidable man-o-war (even that wacky Urkell
guy). But Iron Mankey has one advantage others
don't: his prehensile tail! With an added
appendage, Iron Mankey has even keener control
over his armor's weaponry. But mostly he just
uses his tail to snag another Meister Brau out of
the cooler. |
6 Alashazam: (Shazam + Alakazam)
Chosen by the ancient Greek gods to be a defender
of the Earth, young Alashazam was granted
superhuman strength, flight and a knack for card
tricks, all of which he uses to protect mankind
from otherworldly threats. Fortunately, he can
assume his superheroic identity in flash during
emergencies by uttering a single word-- "Alsashazam!"
Unfortunately, that's the only word he knows. |
7 Cobra Commander: (Cobra
Commander + Charmander)
Cobra--a vast international organization hellbent
on ruling the world through violence, namely by
undermining truth, justice and the American way.
Their titular head? The enigmantic Cobra
Charmander, a wanted filon known by security
agencies primarily for his cute, squeaky voice.
Cobra Charmander hides his visage behind a mask,
fearing that no one would take a fuzzy orange
dictator seriously. But nonetheless, crossing him
means orange death! |
8 Venom-Moth: (Venom + Venomoth)
After being spurned by Spider-Meowth, the
mysterious alien symbiote costume needed a new
host--one that it found in the unlikeliest of
places. Emerging from the dark recesses of Spider-Meowth's
closet came Venom-moth, a deadly creature whose
hunger for human brains is surpassed only by a
taste for gaudy '70s leisure suits! Beware his
acid drool! |
9 Kraven the Haunter: (Kraven
the Hunter + Haunter)
Renowed as the greatest big game hunter on the
planet, Kraven eventually sought the greatest of
prizes: the pelt of Spider-Meowth. While pursuing
his enemy, Kraven made a fatal error, meeting his
untimely demise in a meat grinder, but becoming a
tasty hamburger. After wolfing down the Kraven-burger,
Spider-Meowth produced an ominous gas cloud--Kraven
was reborn, now a ghostly menace that haunts his
every waking moment with an ungodly stench! |
10 Teenage Mutant Ninja
Squirtle: (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles +
Squirtle)
Squirtle was content working his afterschool job
taking out garbage at the local McDonald's until
one fateful night, when he enountered a glowing
green sludge seeping from the dumpster. Mistaking
it for special sauce, he consumed it, unaware
that it would transform him into the Teenage
Mutant Ninja Squirtle! Now unable to control the
growing ooze within him, he squirtle it from his
pores to combat evil! |
MORT OF THE
MONTH
Marrowak: (Marrow
+ Marowak)
Marrowak was once a member of the Morlocks, a
group of society's castoffs living in the grimy
sewers of Pallet Town. Now, if you've ever been
to Pallet Town, you'd know they're awfully
irresponsible about what they flush down the
toilet--the sewers are filled with everything
from alligators to radioactive isotopes. As a
result, not only did Marrowak have to grow up in
a stinkin' sewer, she also has bones growing out
of her forehead, torso and other, nastier places!
Not only does she have to sleep standing up, she's
constantly chased by ravenous cucarachas. But
Marrowak was able to overcome her obstacles and
join other castoffs called the X-Men. But now the
X-Men have problems: They want to ralf up their
bologna sandwiches every time they look at her. |
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